The Fox Thief
by Vicis Est Eternus
Summary: He never expected it; dying as a ninja. He grew up as a – not so simple – thief. He met team 7 when he tried to rob them… met them again four years later… and here he was: dying as Hokage. How did that end up happening? slight AU R&R please!
1. Chapter 1

Genres: Action/Adventure, Drama, Angst, Humour, Tragedy

**The Fox Thief**

_By: Vicis Est Eternus_

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><p>"You're insane."<p>

A boy, tall and lithe in stature, threw a grin to the speaker, before winking conspiratorially. "I don't know what your talking about," his innocent tone was ruined by the wicked grin, but it was not supposed to be convincing, it was supposed to be funny.

"You can't steal from a ninja." The other argued, pleading for the sake of his friend, "they'll rip you apart for trying."

The other merely rolled his eyes, before letting them fall skyward in exasperation. He shook himself, fell back on his heels more, and faced his shoulders to his friend, Haku. "Ah, but I'm not actually stealing from _Ninja_, I'm stealing from their charges."

"They are paid so that you _won't_ be able to do that. They will stop you, Naruto." The other, slighter and feminine, looked down, off the cliff, to where a wide dirt road lay, cutting itself through the thick forest like a serpent. "My Blood Limit isn't strong enough to handle all of them."

"Haku, you were trained by Zabuza; I'm sure it will be."

"You were trained by no one!" Haku argued, but his words hit a seemingly brick wall, because the blonde boy merely waved him off without a care. "I taught you all that you _might_ know about being a ninja, but you have no jutsu, and you refuse to follow my taijutsu stance…"

"I haven't died yet, have I?" Naruto asked gleefully, before letting his body fall so that he sat on the grassy cliff with his legs stretched out. He held himself up by his hands, and leaned to look up at the sky, his deep blue eyes mirroring the colour of the cloudless sky. "I'm too fast, and when I use _that_, not even you in your mirrors can catch me."

"I fear the repercussions of that…" Haku murmured to himself, not meaning for Naruto to hear, but his friend did anyway, and rolled his eyes. He shifted all his weight to one arm to allow movement enough for him to shove the other boy.

"If it kills me than so be it. You know what they all said before; demon, demon, demon – if I die, then so what? I don't care if I do, and its not like I've missed anything that life has to offer. I lost my virginity, I loved a girl, still do, regardless of whether or not she died, stolen, cheated, had a blast while doing it, and have you as my friend. What could I be missing – besides kids. I don't want to have a kid. No. Just – no." He listed, tapping his fingers away, until the last point where he pointed and glared threateningly at Haku, in case he should mention that aspect of life.

"You don't know the love of a mother or father."

"And neither do you," Naruto argued, "you only know the pain of family, so therefore, I'm already better off than you are."

"You won't grow old-"

"Who wants to get old and wrinkly?" Naruto gasped, wrinkling his nose in disgust at the thought. "Best to die young, no? Then we can go to that afterlife thing that she always preached about and be young while we do it." He paused, as if in realisation, before resuming again, "Um, well, if that isn't what you want, Haku, I'm not going to make you agree with me – you can live as long as you want to!"

Haku smiled sadly, before sighing and allowing his shoulders to slump. "You don't get to choose such things, Naruto, unless you plan to commit the act yourself."

"Hell no! No way am I _ever_ going to off myself! I like me too much." Naruto ended with a lighter tone, and Haku, still looking at his friend sadly, didn't comment on the obvious change of tone. Naruto was horrible at serious comments, he knew, and he also knew that the boy already felt as if he had lived lifetimes…

"Naruto, you were thrashing last night. Did you have another one of those nightmares?" This question made the blonde pause, no, freeze, before his mouth pulled itself down, and a light scowl morphed on his fair features.

"Something like that. Its just… it was of a little girl, with this stunning red hair… and then I was back again, and it gave me a headache. It's like seeing through ten pairs of eyes, you know? And then this guy shows up, and it feels like somebody has taken by body, and compressed it and then shoved it inside someone's gut, and then darkness. Same old, same old. Still don't know where they come from, so don't ask."

Haku nodded, before gazing out once more onto the stretch of road. "They should reach here before sundown, if they continue at the same pace, or later, if their client requests frequent stops. Are you going to-"

"I already did," Naruto grinned, thankful for the change in subject. "They won't know what hit them – and don't ask. It's going to be a surprise for you too-" He broke off, gazing off into the distance, before frowning again, and gave his head a quick shake. "Actually, I want you to put a small genjutsu over my traps; I don't want any of them seeing it."

"What if they sense my chakra?"

Naruto grinned savagely. "Don't worry about that." And, without his realizing it, once more the thin whiskers on his face darkened, and his teeth grew slightly longer, and along the edges of his stunning blue eyes, red once more formed.

Haku never told Naruto this, but he was almost certain that the words that Naruto spoke of himself – demon – were completely and irrevocably true.

**Chapter One: Team Seven's First C Rank!**

The five were silent; or rather the four had taken a break of their bantering and at that particular moment, happened to be quiet. The merchant who hired them, an old woman dressed in the most outlandish clothing and covered with every trinket she owned, hobbled along, her thin lips held a cigar between them, and one of her young guards – a girl with pink hair – looked at the old woman in disgust. How could she smoke something like that? It got in your lungs and turned them black, but even when the girl informed the old woman, all she got was a lackadaisical shrug.

Eyeing her once more, Sakura eyes the bright red, blue and gold trimmed dress of the woman in disgust. It wasn't traditional, rather, it was the newer style of dress, were the skirt flared out and the breast was pinned high, making the woman's – rather impressive – cleavage seem even more prominent.

Her sagging face held no beauty, and even the appearance of beauty in the woman's heavy make-up did nothing to smooth over her age. Bright blue eye shadow, painted in an ark to the woman's heavy eyebrows, and long, fake eyelashes. Blush that was applied too heavily to have the subtle effect it was supposed to have, and lips too thin and stretched for the bright red lipstick to hold any effect.

She was voluptuous, and crude, and very, very demanding. She let you know if she didn't like something, but seemed to draw a line at a person's natural features. For Sakura, the woman criticized her make-up, her squealing voice, and her fawning of one of the other teammates, telling her that only sluts fawned, so the girl better stop. For Sai, the dark, awkward teammate that strangely enough was put in on their team at the last moment, cutting out the other girl that would have been on their team, the woman told him – in no flowery manner – that if he didn't shut up she would stomp on his balls and make his voice so high pitched her old ears wouldn't be able to hear. For Sasuke, the one she criticized Sakura for fawning over, she told him that he was an ass, and that he should ride that pole up his ass even higher so that it could impale him and then set an example to all other asses what happens when your too up-tight.

For their sensei, Kakashi, she merely eyes him critically, and then, as she spun around on the road, just outside the gate, she told him that she had a niece that had quite a sense of humour, and would probably be able to make him smile.

Sakura didn't understand her, because Kakashi had been smiling when she said it.

Sakura's thoughts paused, then halted, then spun back to a moment. Ah, right, the critical woman had _nothing_ to say to the man, even after having to wait for a good hour for him, about… well – anything! She could have mocked his posture, his laziness – his _attitude_, but… all she did was basically imply that he and her niece will get along quite well.

And – what _Kakashi_ said in response? 'I'm sure her jokes got better since last time!' _AND THE OLD WOMAN LAUGHED! _

It was a conspiracy; they knew each other.

Mami Sato, the old woman, whose first name, 'Mami', meant 'true beauty', huddles along the dirt path, thankful that the three brats had _finally_ stopped bickering. She kept pace with Kakashi; stealing furtive looks every now and then. Ah, yes, the little boy whom she had met when he was very much like the ass had grown up rather well. Turned out a lot like that other boy – Obito, but thankfully not too much. She didn't know if she could handle him acting exactly like the moron – with all due respects – of the team. Kakashi was always too smart for that.

"So, Kakashi, looking forward to see Emi, again?"

The jonin shifted, lowering the hand that held a bright orange book away so that he could look over at her. "Emi?" He asked, before dragging his attention back to his novel. "Depends if she's the same as always." He answered cryptically; accurately aware of the three pairs of ears well trained on the conversation.

"She's definitely changed, Kakashi!" The old woman laughed heartily. "You might find you a challenge." Ah, thankfully Mami had understood the need for… vagueness. Emi was always one that was hard to handle, and, even though she was three years younger, always acted like a child.

Oh, well, then again, last time he had seen her; she had been a child – a child who he, Obito and Rin had to babysit her. Ah, what… _fun_ times.

"She recently won an art competition." The woman mentioned, tipping her head to the right slightly, like she was remembering. "She made this… disturbing statue made of weapons. I really don't understand how she won – something about it being _uniquely abstract_." The woman shuddered heavily, the fat underneath her chin shaking violently at the effort.

"Sounds like her." Kakashi said noncommittally – he knew nothing of Emi having an interest in art, though, now that he thought on it, she _did_ have an unhealthy interest in his teams kunai and shuriken.

"I think you'll be surprised when you see her, Kakashi," the old woman said pleasantly, "she's turned into quite the beauty."

"Quite a beauty indeed, if she needs her aunt to vouch for her." Kakashi told her, rather pointedly, as, regardless of the – now thought of – fond memories he had of Emi, they did not mean he was going to become interested.

"Hmm? No, course not. I just want the girl to stop sleeping around. She says that its an artists release and that I shouldn't try to bind her spirit, or some nonsense, but I figure, that if someone were to… ah… woo her, and then she might start to like them and gain a taste for commitment, you know?" The old woman explained, and Kakashi inwardly winced at the information being fed to the brats. Hopefully, they didn't understand that the woman expected him to sleep with Emi, woo her and give her such a time that she would pin for him, and then, eventually grow from the experience and find someone to settle with.

Because it would be awkward if they did.

Still, peaceful silence, but a surreptitious glance at Sakura, and he realised that she was just barely holding her indignation in.

With a slight shock, he recalled a time when Emi looked exactly like that, but at the time, it was because his team had taken back all their weapons she had managed to con off them. "We'll see." If she really was similar, but older, than the Emi he knew, the chances are he might make his team stay a little while longer after their mission was finished, to work on… um… tree exercises. It would only take a moment to show them how to do it, and he knew Sai most likely already knew how.

Yes, he could give him pointers.

Mami remained silent, and this time, when Kakashi was drawn once more into his book, the main character had dark brown hair and dark blue eyes – he giggled slightly, which caused the old woman to laugh uproariously, strangely enough.

He glanced once more at Sakura, and irritatingly enough, she seemed to understand where the conversation ended, because she was glaring at him with all her might. Her sensei shrugged, he hadn't gotten laid in over a month; he deserved it.

As they walked, and the sun began to bleed into darkness, Kakashi froze as something trailed along the edges of his senses. He paused, but it was so slight, he continued their trek onwards, to the grand market city of Yuuta.

They continued to walk, closing in on the distance between them and a cliff not far off, a wall hit all of them choking, suffocating, crushing them, but stand they did. Even Mami Sato felt it, and began to whine slightly under her breath.

Kakashi, however, froze, not in fear, but in recognition.

He had only felt such malice and darkness in a chakra signature once, and that had been during the Kyuubi attack. To his knowledge, only one boy could have had it, the chakra, though he did acknowledge that it was possible that the demon had changed hosts, as the child host had been kidnapped when he was three months of age…

It made the situation no less dire.

With quick movements, he had lifted the old woman, and briskly ordered the rest of his genin's to run towards the city, but not to use the path. They, in their panic at the heavy pressure, needed to be yelled at, before they nodded and disappeared at a run.

Up on top of the cliff, hidden by one of Haku's genjutsus, was Naruto, his eyes a blood red, with a wicked smirk on his face. He continued to reach inside himself, and drew on the unnatural power within himself with a single thought to the creature it belonged to – a creature he told no one of, not even Haku.

_Thanks, Foxy._

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><p><em>AN: Hello! First Naruto Fanfic! Hope you like it!_


	2. Chapter 2

*Warning: Course Language

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><p><strong>The Fox Thief <strong>

_By: Vicis Est Eternus_

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><p>His ass was fucking sore. He couldn't move, or, he couldn't without threat of Haku's genjutsu falling under and breaking. 'Don't move, Naruto, once I place it on you. Otherwise it will break, and those ninja will see you.'<p>

_Stupid Haku_.

Stupid ass whose blood circulation was so poor at the moment it became numb as fuck and it took all that was within him to not shift. He could move his features, he knew, and breath – but as to weather or not he could get up, change positions, and sit back down again? Probably not.

His throat was getting dry, too, dammit.

The steady expulsion of its chakra seemed to do that do him, it raised his body temperature until he felt like he had a fever, and that his eyes were going to burn out of his skull, and then he started to feel dehydrated too. It was a horrible experience, but the longer he used it, he found, the less the effects were.

Why, the first time he called on its power, when he was eight, he had nearly died from the fever that continued afterwards. He told Haku about it – in vague terms, of course – that when he tried to use a lot of chakra (just to see how much he had) he passed out and went into a fever-induced coma for months.

Horrible experience, that was.

And then Haku's explanation? Yeah, 'your body is not trained as a ninja's would be, Naruto: its not prepared to manipulate chakra.'

_Stupid, stupid Haku. _

Naruto's wicked grin widened, until his pointed canines peaked out along his lower lip. He showed Haku, didn't he? Not only could he manipulate and expel this much of the creature's chakra, but he could do so in over a kilometre radius. Oh yeah, he was too cool.

From his spot, perched on the cliff, he could see his target below, but the distance was too great to make out anything but faceless figures. Ah well, he was in luck either way – a genin team: awesome! Only one good shinobi and a bunch of crap ones even _he_ could take on, much less Haku.

'Naruto, you shouldn't underestimate genin so much; their talent is greater than yours, even if you don't admit it' – Dammit! His voice kept popping up, and ruining all of his fun. Stupid Haku, stupid Haku. He needed to learn to get out of people's thought processes. Honestly.

When he had unleashed the full extent of the creature's chakra – raw, angry and unrestrained – Naruto had watched in glee as all of them froze with fear. Yes, it was nice to be feared, rather than laughed at. He may be reasonably tall for his age, but that didn't mean he didn't have the body of a thirteen-year-old. Old geezers. Don't they realise that their old bones creak so much they might as well unhinge?

Getting off topic, Naruto!

Unfortunately, the one who took his prize was the big one with grey hair. Oh, _why_ the hell did the jonin sensei have to be the one? If it were any of the genins – no problem; they'd fall into every and any trap that he had set out. The teacher would be cleverer, even with Haku's genjutsu hiding them and his massive malice-filled chakra spread out unevenly, masking any trace of a genjutsu.

Ah whatever.

A low chuckle left Naruto's lips: the harder, the more fun, he always said.

**Chapter Two: Naruto's Snare **

Sakura ran through the woods blindly, her heart beating so quickly that she feared it would jump through her throat at a moments notice. Logically, she knew it couldn't, but logic couldn't explain this… inhuman chakra that weaved itself through the air like a virus through a body. It was coiling, it was blistering, it was freezing, and it was gripping. It was everything at once that Sakura could swear the environment had taken a red tint to it.

It was impossible.

But there it was, heavy and bearing down on her and her Sasuke was nowhere to be found; he had taken off in another direction, or rather, he had taken off, and Sakura had tried to follow, but lost him as soon as he reached the tree-line.

Sai was gone too. He disappeared even faster than Sasuke, and faster too. If any part of her had been more in control, she would have been irritated with indignation that Sai had outdone her Sasuke, but as it stood, she only wished one of them had taken her with them. Even Sai. Even perverted, awkward Sai.

She saw a flash of silver in her peripheral vision, before it disappeared, and she halted. That had been her sensei's old man hair. She was sure of it. It had to be. Blindly, she took off in the same direction, tears budding in her eyes and streaming down her face. Kakashi-sensei would help her, he would let her follow him to Yuuta-

She nearly burst into tears.

She had no idea where Yuuta was now. It was ahead, along the road they had been on, but now… now she had no conception of which direction that was. She had taken blindly, and now she felt like she was lost and alone.

So… alone.

Her running fell into an uneven pace, her crying uncontrollable as she hiccupped and sobbed. Her feet stepped on a branch, and it snapped, and then, before she knew it, she was falling, the world around her blurring, and when she hit the cold ground underneath her she was barely able to make out the strange, reflecting substance that covered the light, and enshrouded her in darkness.

Above, sitting silently and elegantly on a tree, sat Haku. He lowered his hand from the sign, and stared through his mirror in sadness. The girl had been so distraught, so weak and helpless, and he could have stopped her from going and stepping on the crude – but as it turned out, effective – trap that Naruto had set. It had been disguised and hidden beneath Naruto's…. chakra – he _would_ ask about it later – and his genjutsu, but even if it hadn't, she wouldn't have been able to see it.

She was both a horrible ninja and a distraught girl.

So, with a slight wince at the coming glare he knew he was about to receive, Haku leapt down from his perch, released his ice jutsu, jumped down into the pit, and scooped the girl up. In a flash, he disappeared, and in another flash, he appeared beside Naruto.

The boy jumped.

Haku smiled in amusement.

Naruto whirled, a determined and angry look upon his face, before it fell open in surprise and shock at seeing that no, it was not an enemy that had just snuck up behind him. "Haku!" He called, before his eyebrows furrowed in distaste at the sight of the pink companion. "What the fuck?"

"Language, Naruto."

"Why'd you bring her here? Are you stupid?" Naruto jabbed in right away, jabbing a finger towards the girl. An odd look came over his face, as he took in her tears, before his hand lowered. He huffed, and turned away, crossing his arms. "Stupid ninja: they aren't supposed to cry."

"I'm just going to leave her here with you, then." Haku told his friend pleasantly, before gently setting the genin down on the ground beside Naruto.

"Wha? What the hell? Don't do-" Haku nodded a farewell, before performing a sign, and flashing away.

Naruto stared in shock, before he set his teeth, grinded them together for a little bit, and then chanced a glance that the unconscious girl. She was young, around his age, with pretty, simple features and a larger forehead. Her hair was a soft pink, and her red dress was dirty and torn – most likely from falling. Before Naruto even registered it, his face softened, and he reached out to brush a strand of hair away-

Before realising what a stupid reaction that was, scowling, and looking away.

_Stupid Haku._

With that thought, Naruto stood up, dusted himself off, and, glad that Haku was no where near to see the stupid stunt he was about to do… jumped off the cliff.

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><p>As Kakashi ran through the forest with his old charge on his back, he couldn't help but curse. Trap after trap, and they were all rather simple. Each one was hidden, and with the oppressing chakra splitting through the air, normally he wouldn't have been able to spot through them.<p>

Thankfully, he had a sharingan.

He jumped long over another pit trap, dodged a set of flying knives – _knives, _like the enemy didn't have kunai. It was probably a thief, or a rather smart bandit who had a knack for traps but no ninja training to refine them. Everything was laughably silly, and when he reached one trap where a bag of feathers exploded on him, he knew it really was a joke.

That is, of course, until ice began to build its way around him, locking him into a dome of ice while his sharingan was too busy focusing on the wide array of feathers that decorated his vision. He paused, and so did the old woman, who until now had been breathing heavily.

"Ah," She said, relaxing.

Kakashi was about to ask what she was going on about, as he stepped forward to examine the ice-dome, to determine what kind of barrier it was, when a booming voice of laughter rang out in glee.

"Now, Kakashi, I implore you not to do a rash thing." The woman huffed behind him. "That boy there laughing like a lunatic with a high-pitched voice is very dear to me. I picked him up and have raised him for awhile, but he's so wild he usually just comes over to eat, the fat-ass." She huffed again, before clearing her breath. "He's still going on about it. Anyway – please don't break through – I know you can, Kakashi; I've heard rumours of what you can do, but don't break it."

"Why not?"

"Because he's going to mope if you do and I want to teach him a lesson about stealing." The old woman hissed, before retracting from his ear, back into her spot before. Kakashi gave a slight nod, and waited for the boy to start.

"Good job, Haku!" He heard the laugher call out. "What are you talking about? We did good!" The speaker paused. "Shut up! I'm not underestimating him!"

Behind him Mami chuckled.

"Eh! You in there!" The speaker called out. "You wanna know who I am?"

"Not in particular." Kakashi muttered under his breath, and the old woman barked out a laugh.

"Naruto of Yuuta. Demon of Yuuta. Preyer of merchants. Which do you think? Huh? Ninja person? Cause I just caught you, and I ain't from a ninja village, and I don't know much of being a ninja, but look at that. You got caught in my trap!"

"Preyer isn't a word, Naruto." Mami muttered under her breath, sounding disappointed. Kakashi smiled in amusement underneath his mask. This boy was good: he was both talented and cocky – and stupid and foolish.

However, Kakashi did not lower his guard.

That chakra, filled with malice and hate, was real, and it could only belong to one person. Perhaps it wasn't this boy, but that person was still out there.

Another fact stopped his thought process, as a long forgotten memory dug itself back up to the surface.

_Naruto_.

The name of his sensei's son. Kakashi felt uneasy, unsure of whether or not he should hope, or be annoyed at the resemblance. His thoughts slowed, for a moment, and he deactivated his sharingan.

"Do you not have a surname?" He called to the kid, brat that he was – and Mami seemed to think so too, despite the obvious close relation. He waited for Sato, but none came, and only the silence of the forest continued.

"No." Came the faint reply. "I don't. I am Naruto of Yuuta- What the fuck are you laughing at, Haku?" The boy cut off to yell at his partner. "What do you mean he's humoring me? He's caught, isn't he?"

"Naruto, you shithead, shut your trap before you blurt out more nonsense and end up making even more of an ass of yourself!" Mami shouted, catching the boy's attention. Kakashi imagined a wince, and then the posture of a child being reprimanded, and annoyingly enough the child had bright blonde hair, just as his sensei.

This Naruto was _not_ the same. He was just a silly brat who didn't want to admit his last name was Sato, because then he would be traced back to his grandmother or aunt, or whoever Mami was to him and get punished for stealing – or mugging, as that was what it was.

"Mami?" The boy called, hesitantly. "Ah, fucking shit!" He screamed out. "What a fucking waste of time – Mami go screw yourself back at home!"

To say Kakashi was shocked was an understatement, to say he was bewildered when Mami replied, was, again, an understatement. In shorter terms, when the two began to banter, all thought left Kakashi's mind, leaving a rather appropriate _what?_ floating around.

"You ungrateful little shit! I have hookers for that!"

"Yeah, and you keep stealing the shit _I_ steal to pay for them, you old hag!" The boy screamed back. Kakashi took this time to lower Mami to the ground. "And for all your ugly make-up and then take all the jewelry stuff I steal and wear it all!"

"I have class, Naruto – I steal from the rotten and give to myself!" The old woman huffed, crossing her arms. As she did so, the ice dome disappeared, revealing a boy, just slightly shorter than Sasuke, lithe and seemingly very light on his feet, with a shock of bright yellow hair that fell messily over his head and into his eyes.

"You Walker!"

The old woman gasped, before laughing uproariously at whatever slang term Naruto used. "A Walker! Ha! Naruto, Naruto, you have been hanging around the wrong people lately – I didn't know that you made yourself home at brothels." The boy turned bright red, before scowling fiercely and looking up into a tree, which Kakashi now looked to.

So that was what the other person looked like – small and delicate with long black hair. The boy turned back, and glared at the old woman. "If I did, I'd see you there, wouldn't I, Walker – have fun conning drunk men into giving you everything of value they have?"

"Ah, I use discretion, you little Soap."

"I'm not a fucking _soap_, Mami!" He yelled out, his face still red, but this time from anger. Even Kakashi, who had no idea what a _soap_ was, laughed at the sight of the indignant child. He was so old and yet so young at the same time – it was timelessly amusing.

"Oh, are you sure, Soap?" The old woman called out with a chuckle.

"Soap?" Kakashi muttered quietly to her. The woman turned, her expression open, before she smiled devilishly.

"Ah, the jonin here doesn't know what Soap means, Naruto, would you like to explain it?"

"Fuck no!" And then, just like that, the boy stomped off. "I'm gonna get Emi to make ramen! Ha! You old hag! You're not even good enough to be a Walker! Too ugly and bitchy!"

The old woman laughed at that, and the boy cursed in response, waving for his friend to come and join him. What an… odd family dynamic.

"Soap is short for Dirty Soap. It means, Kakashi, that he's… a slut, but nowadays it also means… hmm… how to put in a kind way – homosexual. Somehow it got started that being a clean soap meant you were straight, and a dirty soap meant you were gay, even though the original term meant you were a slut."

"How does that work out?"

"Oh, I don't know. Too many drunken usages. Though I do know Dirty Soap meant you have to wash yourself clean of all the sex so often your soap got dirty – which takes many times, so, a slut!" The woman chuckled at the word, and her tinkling laughter made even Kakashi grin.

"And Walker?"

"Oh, this one is a hoot. It's newer than Soap, and I only know of it because Emi told me. Basically it's an elderly hooker – though they take it a step further with the definition and say that its an elderly hooker who takes everything as payment. I don't know of any real Walkers, though. It's probably just an insult term."

"That's quite interesting." Kakashi murmured, filing away the two words for future visits to Yuuta.

"Yes, it is. To use both in a sentence would be like this: That Soap with the pole up his ass must have definitely had a Walker in his family."

Kakashi merely smiled in amusement, before sighing in slight annoyance. "Well, Mami, before he head to Yuuta, we're going to go and find my team." He raised a thumb to his mouth, bit down on it, performed the specified hand-signs and placed in on the ground, yelling out the command.

A poof of smoke later, and a small, merry band of dogs sat by his feet.

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><p><em>AN: Okay, next day update? Why? Uh... well, no particular reason. I usually update on whim - within reasonable time, however - so, here's the second chapter! Hope you like it! (Try to remember, Naruto is something of a man in a child's body, but is still prone to childish tendencies. He living situation will be explained next chapter. Thank you EVERYONE who reviewed! I will thank you personally in due time, oh, and a little reminder - Review? Please? (As a side note to one of my reviewers: I do write this for myself, or rather, or wrote the first chapter for myself. I don't, however, make it a habit to write full stories that aren't even mine just for myself. It's a waste of time. I eventually write for the enjoyment of my readers: and I believe that a little feedback on what I write is always appreciative and rewards me for writing. I do stop if I believe that no one is interested; I can just as easily play out this story's plot in my head and daydream as I can writing it down (easier, even). _


	3. Chapter 3

Okay! Decided to write it a slightly different way than I first intended, so the first two 'chapters' are now prologues, or... this is chapter three. Doesn't really matter. Oh, and

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><p>-/

means time gap. So, for this one, the start is the 'future' and after the time gap is the 'present'. THe time difference is four to five years, or maybe six, I'm leaving that open till later. Anyway, Read on!

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><p><strong>The Fox Thief <strong>

Chapter Three: A Glimpse of the Future

_By: Vicis Est Eternus_

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><p>"Well, miss? A pretty lady-bird as yourself would most definitely be suited so such finery, no?" Another salesmen, another day, another town, and another year – the day was like any other. The bright, hot sun beat down on the poor villagers. The fields needed to be ploughed and tilled; food needed to be sorted, and stored, and food needed to be bought, and errands needed to be run.<p>

This was a poor village.

Everyone was a farmer in some form or other, they knew nothing of the luxuries that the man waved around flippantly, carelessly, as if he didn't know that even in a small community such as the one they were currently in, a thief might try to rob him.

However, his flippancy and unexpected accent – something native only to the city of Yuuta, a city infamous for its slang and its cut-throat, yet charming accent, which was indigenous to that city and that city only. The woman he spoke to paused, her ear catching the unfamiliar sounding of words, then blushed at the unfamiliar… term of endearment. She turned to face him, and while the dazzling necklace the man held in his hand first caught her eyes, however her line of sight inevitably drew along the arm, and settled on the face.

He was a very convincing salesman.

His hair shown a bright, golden yellow, falling carelessly around his head in long strands of silky strands, creating shaggy appearance, but it did nothing to deter the woman. He had a strong jaw, but it was softened, rounder than she was used to. His high cheekbones were marred, but they made him appear exotic, and his eyes…

"Lady-bird." The man called again, and now that she noticed it, he was not a man at all, but merely a child, at most nineteen. She frowned slightly, wondering how a boy nearly a decade younger than herself ended up being a merchant – and a merchant that was silly enough to attempt to sell his wares to people who could not afford it, even if they put together all the money they had made, and will make, their entire lives.

"Lady-bird, the necklace, I was wondering, Rose, if you would be the one to…" He paused slightly, attempting to find a word, "be the one whose neck this was made to fit." Yes, he certainly was a charmer, and he knew it. The woman looked at him oddly, but blushed at the compliment all the same.

"I couldn't possibly be able to afford it." She shook her head no, but it was undeniable fact that her eyes lingered on the simple chain with a single, diamond pendent longingly. "I wish I could, though."

"No one in this town could buy it for you, Rose?" He asked, leaning forward slightly, putting just the amount of honesty and surprise in his tone to make it believable. The woman, nearly a decade older than him, but that meant nothing – she was still in the prime of her youth – blushed heavily as his face got closer, but shook her head sadly, no.

"The only person who could possible have enough money to buy that is Ren Abe; but he hordes himself in his compound; he doesn't know I exist, so… unfortunately…" The woman once again, looked longingly towards it. And the man smiled, however, without her knowing, it was not an understanding one.

"That's a shame. This necklace really did seem it was made for your neck, Rose."

The woman, finally noticing the name, tilted her head, "Rose?"

"Its part of the… vernacular… of where I'm from." He explained, pausing a moment to search for the word he was once taught, but rarely ever used.

"Oh, yes." The woman agreed, "I could tell you were a foreigner from your accent," she left out the golden hair and striking blue eyes, "It's very endearing."

"I'm from Yuuta. The accent is… well, to be perfectly honest, I always believed it was sophisticated just to make us sound at… ends with our s- vernacular." This woman was getting irritating, but he kept the smile on, and made sure to check it was still pleasant, even though at the moment all he wanted was to glare like an irritable child.

"Oh! Yuuta! I've heard of that place! It's supposed to be quite the city, isn't it?"

"It is."

"That's so exciting!" She exclaimed gleefully, and the merchant inwardly groaned at his perception skills – he thought she was going to be quiet! "So what do 'Lady-Bird' and 'Rose' mean?" She asked, with open kindness and curiosity.

"Rose is a name for those whose beauty is comparable to a flower." He made his smile bigger, but couldn't stop the slight deadpan to his tone. "Lady-bird is an old nickname for beautiful women." Yes, but at the moment she was being neither, and more like a Cuckoo than anything, crazed and loud and able to pick at one's nerves.

"That's lovely." Yes, it was, considering that the majority of the slang from Yuuta were harsh insults made so that they could insult foreigners and not get in shit for it, like implying that the man was Soap, or something else, and while the man took it as a compliment, the one who gave it was laughing under their breaths. "I'm afraid I have to go – it's my sister's birthday tomorrow."

This hit a sore spot. "Give my regards to her." He said politely, while at the same time mourning his lack of ever having a birthday. He honestly didn't know it.

She nodded, and then left shortly after, and, with the jutsu still on, he disappeared, vanishing without a hint that he had ever been there, except for the eye-witness account of one woman.

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><p>He leaned backwards, his arms around his head, until he fell on the lumpy pillow of the bed located at his 'suite' at the only inn in town. He sighed, before pulling out a cigarette from his pocket and sticking it in his mouth, but too lazy to reach under the bed where he had accidently kicked the lighter the night previous.<p>

"Fuck. They followed me here, too." He groaned to himself, blindly reaching over to the bedside table until he grabbed a familiar pouch, and tightened his grip on it. "Damn, damn, fuck, damn." He swore, and then swore heavily some more, before sighing heavily, and then removing his other hand from around his head, to wipe his face with it.

"You should have expected that, Naruto."

"Don't you have some woman to harass?" Naruto shot out bitterly at the newcomer, locking his muscles to keep from jumping at the unexpected intrusion. The dry chuckle that met his slightly high-pitched retort told volumes at how Naruto hadn't fooled anybody.

"I don't know why you try to run, you brat. They're just trying to bring you back." A man sighed, leaning away from the darkest corner of Naruto's temporary home. "They _are_ you're friends."

"I killed someone." He lied. He killed many. Too many. The blood would never wash off.

"I've killed many." The man retorted gently. "I'm not proud of it, and it's a thankless task, but I moved on. You're too good a shinobi to just run away from it, Naruto." Jiraiya signed heavily, before walking across the room, his heavy steps knocking against the wooden floor.

"It's a thankless task I don't want. I grew up wanting to have whatever I wanted. Being a shinobi really doesn't make the cut, does it?" His smile was mocking and grim. "I'm doing them all a favour, aren't I? Damn, when I thought I was a demon, I never believed in it literally." He lied, he words breezing through his teeth as easily as the air used to create them.

Jiraiya… none of them could know his relationship with the beast residing inside. Because if they did, then they would learn of _everything_ and he was not and wouldn't be ready to tell them of _everything_ he locked away in his soul. He would tell no one of Risa, the girl who damaged him, couldn't tell them of the Kyuubi, wouldn't breath a word of _that night_, or what happened _afterwards_.

They were his ghosts to bear, and his alone. That was why Jiraiya knew nothing of them, even if he could guess. That was why Sakura and Sai had not an inkling, why Hinata could only look at him with pained eyes, because she knew that there was an '_everything'_, but couldn't take a gander as to what it was. The others would isolate him, the others wouldn't understand. The villagers of the Hidden Leaf would ostracize him, and those in Yuuta, if they knew, would fear him on a level that brought along its own isolation.

There was no way around it, so he kept it locked to himself.

Without another word, Naruto turned to his side, away from the large man, and closed his eyes. Jiraiya sighed heavily once more, before mumbling his goodnight, and telling him that they would close in on him by noon tomorrow, so he should get a move on before then, if he wanted any hope of ditching them again.

Jiraiya held a special place in Naruto's heart, and that was only more solidified when Jiraiya left him be. He would have been a hypocrite otherwise; after all, had _he_ not ran off for years from his village? He was still running. So, if that were the case, how could Jiraiya drag Naruto back, when he was neither a native nor a shinobi of Leaf? He had no right.

So, in the dead silence, he disappeared, heading to a brothel, to drown his worries and drink until he could appropriately appreciate the lovely ladies that would with no doubt surround him.

Naruto, still in his bed, opened his eyes, before rolling them and shutting them tightly, forcing darkness to consume his consciousness.

/-/

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><p>-/

Haku was being annoying. He was quiet – which wasn't too unusual – but his quiet screamed disapproval. It held within it an air of conversation. As if Haku _wanted_ to say something, but didn't, but couldn't. Or, he didn't know how to start, since Haku was no coward – especially when it came to dealing with him. As the two made their way home (Naruto stomping angrily, fists balled in his black cargo pants, Haku stepping lightly, making no sound, and stirring nothing), Naruto swore under his breath – excessively.

"If you want to just say something, spit it out, dammit!" Naruto bit out, still sore at his lack of catch, lack of jewels and money. Dammit, stupid Mami! The damn woman just _had_ to go home _today_. It was _utter bullshit!_

"Naruto. What about that girl?" Haku asked his friend as the boy in front of him continued to stomp towards Mami's house. "You didn't just leave her on the cliff, did you?" Knowing Naruto, he probably did, but it was always polite to give one the benefit of the doubt.

"And what if I did? She's a ninja, isn't she? She can walk down the side, no problem. Unless she's even more of a baby ninja than I thought." He huffed, but something in his manners seemed off to Haku. He couldn't explain it, but there was an… undertone that suggested that there might be something more at work, something, perhaps, about the girl with the pink hair that got to Naruto.

"She was quite pretty, wasn't she, Naruto?" Haku edged, taking a gander at the underlying cause of Naruto's irritation towards her – or, a part of his irritation, because at the moment Naruto was agitated in general.

"Risa was prettier."

"Risa was blind. And no, she wasn't. She was pretty, but rather simple."

"I suppose a corpse is always ugly, isn't it, Haku?" Naruto bit out, his words backed up by a feral growl that caused Haku's stride to falter slightly. The conversation wasn't going as was planned, and it was always easy to forget how hard it was for Naruto to talk about her. He spoke of her memory as if it were a passing dream, sometimes he added in vulgar terms are simply spat on her ghost. He acted like she meant nothing to him, and then so flippantly spoke of his love for the one named Risa that it hardly sounded genuine.

So, it was easy to forget, that her – expected – death had hit Naruto – hard.

"I'm sorry."

"That's the last thing she fucking said to me, you know? 'I'm sorry I'm dying.' What the fuck kind of apology is that? She was a selfish bitch, she always asked for everything underneath the goddam sun and then the best she could do was give me a fucking sorry. And then that bitch with pink hair has to come, and look just like she did, her face all slack and peaceful, with tear-stains running down, that all I can think about is how Risa looked after I fucking told her how pathetic it was to apologize. And then, I don't start to think about Risa, and instead on how she looked like such a baby, and then-" Naruto broke off to scream. "This is not my fucking day! The dead stay dead and Risa was a blind dying girl who I gave my virginity to cause she asked for it and so stupid that she never even thanked me for all it did! So screw her! And the pinkie needs to…"

"Say hello?" Haku inputted gently, trying to take Naruto off of the topic of Risa. She had hurt him badly; sometimes Haku forgot how much, sometimes he even ignored how much, but, what Naruto probably never admitted to anyone, not even himself…

…Was that his love for Risa… was really how much he hated her.

It was such a backward relationship. And as soon as it started, it couldn't have ended happily; Risa was a dying, selfish girl, and Naruto was a crass, selfish boy. It wasn't in his nature to be innately selfless – he worked hard, and yet, it all ended in nothing.

Whatever Naruto had been trying to prove, by forcing himself to love her… he didn't succeed.

"And then that stupid Mami had to be the one that we caught! What a waste of time, eh? Those traps that ninja-weirdo set off will take me all morning tomorrow to set back up! It's ridiculous! And Mami is gonna go on about Soap, Soap, Soap. I should start calling her Harbour, no? Ha! That'll serve her!"

"Soap wins." Haku said gently, finally catching up with Naruto, who had slowed his stride. "Harbour… that's slang for a pr-harlot, right?" He stumbled over his words as Naruto nodded. Sometimes he found it amusing, that even though his closest friend cursed without abandon, and he could hardly say one. Even harlot was hard, the words tasted so horrible on his tongue.

Naruto turned his head quickly over to stick his tongue out, before he retracted it. "Well, you know what this means, right? I can't pay rent."

"You can stay with me-" Haku cut himself off at Naruto's glare of warning. "The offer is always open."

"Yeah. Oh well, maybe I can woo- ah, never mind. She may be the one who collects my rent, but her husbands the landlord… I swear he eats bark – his teeth all stick out; it's disgusting."

Naruto was pushing the subject away again, burying it deep, and this time, today, Haku was going to let him. Like he always did. All the time. He knew that he shouldn't – that _Naruto_ shouldn't keep her bottled up. After all, not even Haku could say what had happened between the two of them, other than the fact that everything changed one day, four months before she died. Naruto never spoke of it, and the only thing he _did_ say was common knowledge.

He learned a little of something knew.

But not much.

"Naruto, Emi said she wanted you for dinner. And that you better not forget." Haku changed subject and tone, hoping to wipe Risa from his mind. Naruto cared for Emi, so he hoped that it would. The woman was something of… well… he wasn't sure what she was to the both of them. Mami was the woman who had raised Naruto, and Emi had been a wild child when he was born; directly in her pre-teen years and in the sinful city of Yuuta with her aunt and only guardian the owner of a club and bar.

So… Emi wasn't a sister figure. Not a kind one, at least. She was… not a mother figure, and too old and harsh to be friends with either of them. What she was… she was an anchor. If she fell, Haku knew Naruto would shortly after – well, in a hypothetical case. She was someone who was as deep in the underground of Yuuta as Naruto was.

She was someone who could relate to Naruto like Haku never could.

She was getting better. She picked up art – very, odd and strange art, and Haku had forbid himself from asking where exactly she _received_ half of her materials, but she was getting better – getting out. She smiled without the effect of drugs or alcohol, but that didn't mean she couldn't 'talk shop' with Naruto.

Personally, Haku wanted to know _when _Naruto learned about the underworld of Yuuta. To him, it seemed that Naruto was always around him, and yet, he knew where all the dirty businesses were located, knew how to pickpocket like the best of them, and – though Naruto never openly admitted it – knew how to break in a house better than he did.

If Naruto wasn't so adamant about being selfish, he would have made an excellent shinobi.

Haku started, his mind jumping from the past and into one thought that felt as if he had relocated from a warm tub to the freezing waters of Yuuta's harbour near winter. "Naruto," Haku choked out, "that chakra from before, what was it?"

Naruto broke off from his personal tirade mid-sentence, and froze. Haku's feet glided him to the stoic boy, just fast enough to see the murderous scowl Naruto plastered over his face, before it was let go, and became empty.

It was… creepy. Seeing Naruto calm.

"My," Haku teased slightly, though neither were in the mood for it, "if that was all it took to calm you down, I would have taken to it years ago." It was a lie. An obvious one, but that look on Naruto's face scared Haku. It was the face he saw the day after Risa died, and he later found Naruto in his apartment, everything smashed and splintered until nothing was recognizable. It was the face that he took each time someone would tease him that his parents hated him so much they dumped him in the woods and never looked back, and later that day, Haku would have to stop him from burning his bullies' houses down to the ground.

It was the face of someone else.

An angry Naruto was predictable – a calm one wasn't. A calm one was smart in a sociopathic way. He was cunning and cruel. An angry Naruto attacked whatever it was that offended him straight on, like any civilian would. A calm one… acted more like an assassin.

"Don't worry about it." Naruto finally bit out, forcing a smile on that made Haku relax slightly, if only because that stoic expression had vanished. "It doesn't hurt me and I only use it when I have to."

"What _is_ it?"

"Dunno." Came the careless reply, accompanied by a slight shrug. "I can control it, so don't worry about it."

After that, no matter how hard Haku tried to bring the subject back up, Naruto would clam up into the stoic monster Haku so feared, yet worried for at the same time.

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><p>"I didn't take you for an animal lover, Kakashi!" The old woman bellowed out merrily, before crouching down. She cooed at the dogs, and some happily licked at her fingers. It was quite a nice sight, and thankfully all the dogs kept their mouths shut, before Kakashi barked his orders.<p>

"Locate Sakura, Sasuke, and Sai, tell them everything is clear and then show them back to Yuuta, since their probably lost." He said cheerfully, amused by the situation more than annoyed. He was in a good mood today.

Then again, it was probably the prospect of sex that did it.

He wasn't one to seek such a relief often, but that didn't mean he didn't. He needed to – it gave him a connection that he couldn't find anywhere else. He felt disconnected from his friends at times, but _that_ connection… well… he wouldn't be able to call himself a man if he didn't feel a connection under _those _circumstances.

The dogs nodded, thankfully taking the old woman as a hint not to talk, and bolted off. Mami cooed in happiness, not really sounding words and not really laughing, as she tried to stand up, before she stopped abruptly.

"My back!"

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><p><em>AN: Okay, hope you like it! A week (sort of) update! That's pretty good, isn't it? I got a little caught in how to go about this chapter, so I kinda went with this. It's inspired by Water for Elephants - the BOOK, not the movie. (Did you know Jacob is supposed to have red hair and Marlena Brown? Jeez) Anywho. Please Review. Honestly. _


	4. Chapter 4

**The Fox Thief**

Chapter Four: Yuuta

_By: Vicis Est Eternus_

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><p>"Sasuke," she murmured, before wincing in pain, and blearily opening her eyes. Everything was fuzzy, and bright – so bright. The area around her seemed to glow in unearthly tones, and it made her squeeze her eyes shut tight. Where was she? What happened to her last? She groaned, and her eyes fluttered open once more. She blinked away the blurriness, and when she the image finally cleared, she jolted.<p>

She screeched, and scrambled backwards from the large shape that sat in front of her, before her mind registered what it was – a… dog. Huh. What was a dog doing, wait, Sakura paused, mid-thought, where the hell was she? She quickly looked around, panic rising in her as she did.

She… was on a cliff?

"How did I get here?"

"I won't know," a voice unexpectedly replied, "but I'll supposed to show you back to Yuuta, so get up." Her gaze quickly found the source, but really – it was impossible! How could a dog talk? She was just hearing things, unless…

"You're using a transformation jutsu!" She cried, scrambling to her feet with a gasp as she pointed bluntly at the not-really-a-dog. The dog stared at her with a bland expression; the thoughts played out on its face translating into something along the lines of 'are you really that stupid?'

"Kakashi didn't breach you well then, if your stare and point. If I wanted two, I could have killed you buy not, kid."

Sakura stilled, before realising that the not a dog was right. Her first response should have been to grab her kunai and settled into a stance, to be prepared for the worst. She fell… maybe it was a trap? Maybe this dog-glamour person had done it? She was in _serious_ trouble now.

"I can't believe that."

"Oh, so you start to act like ninja? Don't make laugh, I can't." The dog growled under its breath. "I can take you on easily, with of without the others."

"Others?" Obviously, this… person's grammar was horrible, but at least it was slightly understandable.

"I'm ninken, you dumb girl."

What was that? She felt as if she might have heard the term, once or twice before, but she couldn't put a word to it. He was a dog. A _talking_ dog. Everything crammed up in her throat, before she forced that everything back down. "You said Kakashi-sensei's name, do you know where he is?"

The dog gave her the closest thing to a bland look, something that he seemed to be capable of… probably the only thing that he was capable of. "I said, Yuuta; Kakashi there." Then, without any other words, as Sakura was still rather shocked at the ninken's presence, the dog stood up and walked away, towards the cliff, before pausing.

It turned its head to stare at her, and its beady, sharp eyes stared at her harshly, its beige and white fur bristling slightly in the wind. Then, it shook its head and turned to walk away, but it was that… _look_! Honestly, she didn't know how a dog was able to pull off a superior, patronizing look, but that dog had, and it had _pissed_ _her off_!

"Come going."

"Your grammar is horrible." She spat out at its clip tone, but followed it off the cliff nonetheless.

"I am dog, stupid girl, girl thinks it easy to learn? Stupid girl learn to bark like dog, kid, I would learn better then." It barked then, and it sounded like a laugh, but truth be, dogs really _couldn't_ laugh… unless this one happened to be part hyena, which wouldn't really be that surprising.

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><p>"Emi wants me for dinner, well too bad for her!" Naruto snapped at his nonexistent companion, as Haku had left to help Emi with dinner. "She's a horrible cook anyways, and no way in hell am I going to go and be a fucking taste tester and end up sick as a dog."<p>

He slammed the door to his dingy apartment shut, the vibrations echoing through the empty apartment. Great, great, fucking great! Life hated him; it was official! Stupid Mami; cause of her he was going to have to actually risk getting caught. After all, those bastard landlords of his made it more than clear that in Yuuta, if a tenant payed their month's rent late more than once in a short amount of time, he was _gone_. There were no fucking clauses that would protect him from getting kicked out, not in Yuuta at least.

Which meant that he was going to have put in some extra hours, and if things _really_ got behind schedule, he would have to housebreak, as annoying as that is. He was lucky that the most security around the area were simple policeman, and only a few of them were any good and ninja stuff, and only a few of them were honest, and not being bribed by the mafia, gang, or other illegal groups that ran Yuuta from the underground up.

So, what should he try first? Hmm… pick pocketing at this time of day wasn't going to yield much results, as many people have already emptied their pockets at this point. Of course, he _could_ actually work, and he knew that there was something going on tonight that he might be useful in, as in, for a lookout, since nobody trusted a kid for protection. Not until he was on average height with everyone else. Bastards, harping on his height like that.

Well, he actually didn't feel like that at all. "House Break it is then."

He turned, ready to simply leave his apartment again, eyes skipping over all of the barren furniture that had come with the apartment, and made way to the coat hook. He had a coat there that had all the instruments he would need already there, however, that wasn't exactly what happened.

Instead, he rammed smack into someone's chest. Immediately he swore and pushed the person away, but the fact that his body leaned backwards instead of the person he was pushing against told him that he might as well have walked into a goddamn _wall_.

"Emi sent me to get you." A cheerful, very unfamiliar voice rang out, and Naruto's next curse caught in his throat as he turned to look up at the man. Silver locks and a bored face mostly hidden by a mask. Oh, great, it was Mami's new boyfriend bodyguard.

"What, she say you couldn't fuck her if you didn't babysit me?" He glared, before pausing, oh, well, yeah, that really did sound like Emi. "Fuck, just go, she's desperate enough anyway." It was a lie, Emi had standards, though half the time they became double standards to themselves, but he figured that in this instance, they didn't need to.

"Not only the sex," the man mentioned in an off-handed manner, "I won't get her food, either."

"Good, her food sucks, you might get food poisoning if you eat it." The man paused for a moment, tilted his head and looked off the side, as if giving the point some serious thought. What the fuck was up with him? It was a jab, a pointless comment, so what the fuck was-

"I'll have to keep an eye open for that, thank you."

"That's more literal for you than anyone else, isn't it?" Naruto couldn't help his seething dry tone, and it only infuriated him more when the man's eye turned into some fucked up half-moon that could only imply he was grinning like an idiot.

Just to be stupid, perhaps, Naruto imitated him, squinting up his eyes until they were crescent moons as well, though the angry frown most definitely counteracted the harsh cheer he forced upon his eyes. "There, you moron, that mean's jack shit. You're not smiling, and whatever – leave."

"I can't."

"Fuck off." Naruto repeated, or rather, restated into another statement. "Or, rather, since I never understood how 'fuck off' can turn into 'fuck me', get the fuck out!" Naruto didn't yell, he hissed, and he felt stupid for it, because the mask crinkled slightly, and he had the distinct dread that the man had actually laughed at him there. For added effect, perhaps too late to be effective, he glared and pointed to the door.

"That sounds like Emi, actually."

"You must have met her when she was a bitch then." He noted, and raised an eyebrow. Fuck ninja, he knew he wouldn't be able to force the man to leave even if he started throwing kitchen knives, since the old geezer would probably catch them all out of the air. It wasn't _fair_.

"Before you were born, most likely."

"So around fourteen years ago. Or thirteen… I doubt it was twelve…" He mused, his eyes narrowing. It was _very_ annoying not knowing his age, much less his birth date. Annoying as fuck, actually, but that didn't mean he was going to lament about it.

"How did you meet Mami?"

"Mami?" Naruto asked, startled at the sudden topic change. He looked up and glared at the masked man. Wow, such an image of trust, wasn't he? Face covered, eye covered, and an eye that crinkled up even though he obviously wasn't smiling, or didn't mean it. Honestly, it made him want to laugh.

"I don't really remember." There, an honest answer, and it was true. He had no clear recollection of what happened before Mami, and there were four different possibilities on how Mami had found him, but he knew she _had_ found him, and she said he couldn't have been more than four years old, and had been probably the dirtiest child she had ever seen.

How he survived before her… well, that question was still up in the air.

"That so?" Kakashi asked, sounding so disbelieving that Naruto, feeling more childish than he had in a long while, kicked him in the shin. Damn ninja had to have been expecting it, because he took it, or maybe he hadn't and the creepy way he had been leaning over Naruto had made it hard to dodge the sharp kick to his leg fast enough to actually work.

That, or he knew it wouldn't hurt so he took it.

The man was a bastard too. Not a damn thing showed on the assholes face, so he had no idea which probability it was. "Fuck you," Naruto seethed, and the ninja's masked crinkled into another smile and he lifted his hand and ruffled Naruto's hair.

Naruto pushed the hand off with vehemence. What a creep. "Fine." Wait, what? No, he did _not_ just agree to eat Emi's poisoned food for kicks, no! What the fuck? No, now his thoughts weren't even making sense. Naruto glared at the ninja, his blue eyes blaring and smouldering with their irritation. The damn ninja had _done_ something to him, the asshole.

"Great!" What a fucking performer; even Naruto could tell the man was more aloof than that. His voice didn't strain using the tone though, so it was obvious that he used it often. "Now, how about you say we eat before we get there?"

Naruto blinked, _what_? The words caught up to him, and he smirked, before laughing in amusement. Okay, so maybe this guy was alright, if he knew enough that Emi's cooking really was shit, and it was best to eat _before_ and claim to be _not hungry_ around her.

Smart man.

* * *

><p>The two were walking along the streets of Yuuta, and Kakashi, unable to stop himself, glanced at the boy. He was still unable to stop the wheels in his head turning. He couldn't help it; there was something so… <em>nostalgic<em> about the boy that he found it infuriatingly difficult to stop staring. Naruto, but, logically, the boy shouldn't have the name that was given to him at birth, since he had been stolen from a high level jonin when he was a baby.

No, stop it, he had talking about the boy as if he actually _were_… but… there _was_ the distinct possibility, wasn't there? The child…

Naruto looked so eerily like both his sensei and his wife that there almost couldn't have been any doubt. So, why was he hesitating? If this Naruto really was the Naruto he thought he had failed all of these years, why hadn't he done anything about it? He knew he had accepted the small errand from Mami – not Emi, like he said had – so that he could get a closer look at this 'Naruto of Yuuta'.

He almost wished he hadn't.

Being up close to the boy, seeing him, hearing him… it was like being thrown back into the past, only somehow Minato-sensei and Kushina had morphed into one person and that person found a dictionary of every swear word imaginable and Naruto was the result.

The colouring was all Minato, that much was obvious, the blonde hair, the messy way it fell, and the bright, azure eyes – all his sensei. The features were a mixture of both; though it was rather obvious the shape of his eyes had come from his mother. Damn, if this Naruto really did turn out to be some random kid of coincidence, he was really going to feel it later.

There was a reason he didn't allow himself t hope for much these days. Mostly it was the fact that there wasn't much _to_ hope for. The similarities were too large and noticeable to ignore, however, _far_ too noticeable. "There's a good ramen stand not too far away. Emi's isn't bad, since I had her make it so often, but she hates it, so the chances of her making it are slim to fucking none. She's probably going to try to go fancy on your ass, actually, so you better watch out." Naruto mentioned as he shoved his fists into his pockets and showed Kakashi around the ever-changing city of Yuuta. "Oh, and another thing to remember; if something doesn't look edible, or looks like she just put food colouring in a blotch of mud or something, don't eat it. Not only will it taste like shit, _you'll _be shiting it out for a fucking _week_."

Lovely picture, Naruto; very descriptive and traumatising. Now he was going to have to turn down everything she made, for the fear that her food really _was_ as bad as the boy described it. Wonderful, so far his chances had already went further and further down the drain. First, he had arrived at Mami's home, Sasuke and Sai already there thanks to the directions of his ninken, and after a quick chat with Pakkun he learned that Sakura was on her way.

Emi had been out.

So, at this point in time, he had no idea whether she was even worth considering. Who knows, maybe she went against the laws of nature and grew up ugly. One night stands in his opinion had to have some visual appeal. A lot, in some cases, but that wasn't the here or now, so he pushed it aside.

"You like ramen, then?"

"I guess." Naruto shrugged, before he paused, and turned to glare at the jonin. He mentally sighed, what had he done now? Honestly, he took back any doubts he had: this was _definitely_ their child. At the moment he had a flashback of Kushina before she was about to do something both terrifying and stupid. "Hey, you're not like a cop, are you?"

"In some cases, yes."

"If I mug someone, will you stop me?" Okay, so, not exactly like Kushina, or maybe _too_ much like Kushina, he couldn't tell which. It was eerie. Very eerie, and it had him staring at the kid until apparently Naruto got weirded out and punched him in the stomach. He groaned at the unexpected impact, unable to suppress it like had done with the kick.

He was _very_ much her kid.

"Don't stare like a goddam paedophile, you Soap."

"I believe you had that title, Naruto." At this, Naruto became comical again. It was, as he said before, timelessly amusing to push on this kid's buttons. Naruto's face had actually gotten a shade paler, and his expression eased out into shock, and he stood rigid for a few moments before it turned into something that clearly said, 'You just say wha?'. One eyebrow rose elegantly, and his eyelids dropped back to a lower level.

This one clearly said, 'you just went here, didn't you?"

Surprisingly, the kid did not start to swear and try to hit him, but instead laughed heartily. He laughed so hard that he actually held his stomach. Note about Naruto Namikaze: he was the most unpredictable, unexpected person he had ever met.

Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze? Long name, but he wouldn't want to ignore Kushina's name, after all, she was the one that came from a long line of proud clansmen, not his sensei. Though, if one wanted to be perfectly honest, Naruto could easily be the start of the Namikaze Clan if he really wanted to.

However, he couldn't tell him, not now, not here. First he would have to consult the Third, since this was probably a delicate situation.

Naruto's laughter rang out, and he actually stumbled slightly as he laughed, even managing to bump into a woman wearing posh clothing and had a very intricate, out-dated hairstyle. He glanced up at her and pushed himself away when she glared. "Sorry," he managed through his laughing fit, and the woman rolled her eyes in the utmost annoyance at being bothered, and stalked off.

The turned the corner, and Naruto's laughter stopped. "You fucking say that again and I _will_ rip that mask off and sew your lips together." Kakashi blinked at the sudden turn in personality. Naruto's lips twitched. "Though, I do have to admit, you're cool. And thanks," again, another topic change he didn't understand. What was he being thanked for?

"For what?"

Naruto's smirk turned into a full-blown mischievous grin, before he reached into one of the pockets in the heavy coat he had brought with him when they left, and pulled out what had to be an extremely expensive leather pocket book. "We need to run now, unless you're going to a fucking hero and take it back from me."

"I won't." He didn't know why he promised; maybe it had to do with the fact that he was _positive_ now that this Naruto was the one he had thought he had failed all these years, the last remnant of two of his rare precious people. He couldn't help it; he _wanted_ Naruto to like him. He wanted to be the big brother that his sensei had said he would be when he first told him that Kushina was pregnant.

"Really? Good. Now, come on; I need a free meal and you look cheap." _He looked cheap_. How the hell did he look cheap? It couldn't have been his clothes, because he had been wearing the standard jonin uniform, so what the hell was it?

"I look cheap?"

"Huh?" Naruto asked, before his brain caught up to him. He slid the pocket book back into his pocket. That boy… that required a decent amount of skill. "Oh, yeah; just a feeling." _Great_, he gave off the aura that he was a cheap, frugal person.

It didn't make it any better to know that it was true. Well, not exactly; he just didn't like to spend money where it wasn't needed, and if someone _else_ was around to pay, well, that meant he didn't need to. He wasn't _against _spending money, but… well, maybe it was a sadistic streak he had, because he enjoyed people's reactions when he left them with his bill.

That was the reason, if there even was one.

Naruto suddenly paused, and turned to stare at the window of the store, or rather _through_ it, whatever he saw made him frown for a moment, before he rolled his eyes and walked to it. Kakashi glanced at the sign, though the lettering made him pause for a moment, as it was slightly different than he was used to, before he was able to guess that it was a grocer.

Why had Naruto walked in there?

He followed, in how the expression would say 'without question', though that was a pot full of bullshit, to use an expression he had heard once and thought was ridiculous, because his mind was circling with questions.

The door to the store chimed as the bell rang, and the scene opened up to a small, cosy looking grocer. There were closely packed shelves made of metal, stocked to the brim with merchandise, a low ceiling, and everything was closely compact.

So compact, that cosy quickly became claustrophobic. He was used to the large buildings of Konoha, not the cramped style that was Yuuta, though it was to be expected, as two very large rivers surrounded the city and there wasn't much space to grow rather than up.

Yuuta, a city that had survived by building on top of itself, with buildings on top of older buildings and where there were roads on roofs and pathways throughout the majority of the buildings in existence. Yuuta, the famous city for being a boom for market, both legal and illegal, Yuuta, the place where a ninja would never live because it was as easy as throwing a kunai to loose your target in the city's maze.

Naruto didn't even realise, did he? How the air stank of people and concrete, how it was stale and heavy, unlike the air in Konoha. He probably took for granted the marvel that was the architecture in the city, though, that was a hypothesis, because from the confidence the boy gave off, it seemed he was comfortable in the maze of a city, and comfortable only came with familiarity.

He wondered if Naruto knew the entire city inside and out.

He doubted it.

"Hey, Emi!" Naruto called, and that one name pulled him out of his thoughts. Trust him to think with his dick first rather than his head. It figured, he had been feeling a little put out at the lack of action he'd been having since he had taken his permanent babysitting job, so it sort of made sense.

"Go away, I'm thinking." He couldn't see her, but at least her voice wasn't the high-pitched mess it had been when he had first met her. Naruto rolled his eyes and sauntered into the middle isle. There were only three, in the small expanse of a store, with the cashier at the front next to the window and in front of the narcotics, looking lazily through a magazine.

Kakashi followed, and when his eyes first landed on Emi for the first time in what had to be fourteen years at least, he raised an eyebrow.

She was a mess.

Not a mess in the sense that her hair was messed up and she looked like she had come from hell and back, but rather, she wore so many conflicting colours and patterns that… well, it was a mess. There was no other way to explain it other than that. Her face was fine, pretty in its simpleness, but her hair was just as dark and wild as it ever was.

Mami had been right.

"What the hell are you doing here, Naruto?" Emi asked, giving Naruto the driest look he had ever seen. "I'm getting the ingredients for dinner."

"Why the fuck would you cook if you're just going to poison your fuck buddy?" Naruto sure was crass, but from the way that Emi raised her eyebrow in interest rather than indignation, she was either used to it or the source that Naruto had taken example.

"Fuck buddy? Did Aunt Mam actually go and buy me a sex toy?"

Alright, _now_ he had no clue as to what they were talking about. Naruto snorted in laughter and while doing so managed to pull the small container of very spicy herbs from her hand and shove it back onto the shelf. "It's not your goddam birthday."

"Hello, Emi." He decided to announce himself, since, technically, he hadn't reintroduced himself and it would be stupid to greet Naruto when he had followed him into the store in the first place.

"Huh?" The girl paused, her hand thankfully dropping from where she was going to have picked up a powder that added extra omega-3 into one's diet. What the hell kind of cooking did she think she needed to put omega-3 in?

Her blue eyes were like ice, and the pink, feather… scarf around her neck blew up into her open mouth and she choked on it. Lovely, but at least she was uniquely funny, and he found his smile of amusement genuine.

It appeared he had found the source of Naruto's… antics.

"Who the hell are you?" She blurted, brushing the ridiculous scarf away from her face and back onto her chest, while raising an eyebrow. "Whoa, wait a minute," she raised a hand, one finger raised as she looked off with her eyes furrowed in thought. After a moment, she turned back to him, an expression of recognition on her face, before it dropped. "Nope, not a fucking clue."

"Kakashi Hatake. You stole my kunai."

She blinked, a flash of recognition racing across her eyes, long enough for him to understand that she really _didn't_ remember. "You want them back?" Nice, she covered herself well. He waited, since he knew that Obito had probably traumatised the girl at one point or another, or maybe it was him when he had thrown his kunai at her, missing her by a centimetre? Her eyes widened, before they narrowed into a glare. There, _now_ she remembered.

"Screw that, you're _not_ going to use me for target practice again, you annoying brat."

"You were the kid that kept stealing weapons. I needed to teach you a little respect for them." He shrugged carelessly, hoping that she wouldn't tell Mami on him for something he had done as a kid. In truth, he didn't even know _why_ he had done it. It wasn't _technically_ against his mission parameters, but throwing a round of kunai at a child who could have easily tried to dodge and therefore gotten hurt was probably one of his more thoughtless ideas.

He was just glad Emi had nerves of steel, otherwise she would never had agreed to the game, or survived it.

"I became something of an adrenaline junkie after that, asshole, now," she walked up to him, her head reaching his nose, so she still had to look up. "Hand over your kunai now."

"No." Like hell he was going to give up his weapons because she asked. She stared at him blankly, before looking him up and down in what was a very decided provocative glance, where her gaze lingered on an area that had _definitely_ been neglected for far too long.

"What if I _paid_ for it?"

"That's gross, Emi, if you're going to talk dirty, wait until after I've eaten." Naruto cut in, and suddenly Emi's gaze was off him, and instead they were widened, fixated at her now empty grocery basket. "And don't make a fuss, you know your cooking is fucking shit unless your boiling noodles."

"Is that supposed to be an innuendo?" She asked, her fists clenching together as she glared at the blonde haired boy. An innuendo? He thought on it, but the mere thought of trying to connect boiling noodles into something sexual was amusing in on itself.

His laughter was covered up by Naruto's, so thankfully it wasn't heard.

"I don't know how you can or know how to 'boil noodles' when it comes to something fucking sexual, Emi, and do _not_ tell me." Emi's face was one of disbelief, before it turned to a quick flash of scandal, and finally it settled on smug.

The Sato family – Naruto included – were a strange, and very amusing family.

"Eh, Naruto, don't you know? It's more for the masochists, but I'm sure I can get one of the girls at Dark to try it with you. Who knows, eh, Kakashi? It would make for a very _painful_ torture technique for your ninja friends." It was probably the tone more than the words that brought the only _possible_ way to connect boiling noodles and sex, but either way, the mere mention of torture made him shiver.

She really couldn't _possibly_ mean-

"You're gonna fucking boil someone's dick?" Naruto shouted, his voice rising and breaking into a girlish squeak, his face full of disgust and horror. "Fuck that! How the _hell_ can you come up with that kind of shit on the spot? God!" He shivered, much like Kakashi had at the mere _thought_. "You," apparently, Naruto didn't have a word for it either. Made perfect sense, because he had lost his voice when the thought of _boiling_ came into the picture. "God! Fuck! Fuck, gross, get out of my fucking head you creepy fucking thought! Dammit!" He cursed, and continued to curse, as he stomped right out of the building.

Emi had been laughing; he didn't even notice she had been, too stuck in the horror that might possibly be and then his mind jumped to how Ibiki would like it. No, Ibiki would probably _never _use that… Anko though?

He shivered again, he wouldn't tell her, though if she _did_ get wind of it… well… he would make sure it was a priority to _not_ warrant any torture interrogations in the future. Not that he was planning to, but still, that…

"Sorry," Emi apologised, "well, not really, but think of that thought of revenge for nearly stabbing me with kunai and shuriken; I had nightmares for _weeks_."

She might have had nightmares for weeks, but he was going to have that nightmare for _quite_ a while longer. Great, now he was going to be paranoid of getting caught by enemy ninja – after all, if a _civilian _(sadistic or not) could come up with that, who was to say it wasn't already in _practice_?

She laughed once more, most probably at the expression on his face, before sighing and picking a package of straight, thin noodles off of the shelf. Then, turning around to where small square packages with bright, colourful pictures showed what appeared to be very delectable noodles coated in sauce, she picked one up, and threw it in the plastic basket with the noodles, and left towards the cash.

He followed; knowing she should have probably followed Naruto, as this girl might have been more than he could chew, if that saying even applied here.

Hopefully, Naruto would come to dinner, because he really _did_ need to ask him. After all, the boy managed to pull off decent traps that a genin would have definitely fallen for, and he hadn't been trained _at all_. He had the makings of a great shinobi, and he was already stealthy, if his prowess in pick pocketing was any indication.

"Hey, Kakashi, wanna watch me boil the noodles, or are you find with setting the table?"

* * *

><p>He cursed as he flipped through the pocket book. He had already leafed through the bills, and counted nearly three quarters what he needed for rent, and was now searching for anything else of value before he sold the pocket book itself to cover the last segment of rent.<p>

He had been lucky, actually, which brought to question why he was swearing in the first place. It probably had to do something with the fact that he swore so often that it seemed to be an omen if he didn't, or just a bad habit that he couldn't drop. Either was fine and either worked. And since it didn't matter, he dropped the subject, and began his trek to what he lovingly called 'the rat's nest'. Why? Because the asshole who ran the pawn shop reminded him of a rat physically and the man took the term 'pack rat' to an entire new level.

He had to admit though; it was fun as hell tearing through all of his 'merchandise', because half the time you did and actually put a few hours of effort into it, you came out with something more valuable than what he sold it for because he'd had it for so long.

He turned a corner and began to climb the flight of wooden stairs, his gaze not fixated on his feet but on the small restaurant that was located beneath the stairs. Good old Yuuta, so different than anywhere else in the world, apparently, because they had built their city on top of itself, and connected it all with stairs and bridges.

He crossed one next, a thin bridge that led him across an alleyway onto the rooves of another set of buildings, and walked around those until he reached another small staircase, this one thin and meant for a single person only. The good old rat's nest, hidden away and tucked in so that even the majority of Yuuta's citizens didn't know it existed. Made sense though, considering the rather illegal substances that went in and out of the building like it was going out of style.

There, another fucking saying he had picked up from someone that he didn't actually understand what it meant. Going out of style? Wouldn't that mean that whatever it was that was going out of style wasn't popular?

He groaned, not caring, and brushed it aside, and began a quick descent of the dark staircase with its rotting floorboards and creaking steps. The air immediately became more humid, as he entered the shadow. The brick walls encompassed him on both sides and they were slick, wet, and rounded with age and use.

He hated the entrance, because it looked more like an exit or a back door than anything. There was no sign, no light, no open sign – nothing. It was a dark, rotting black door set in a heavy frame with an old, broken lamp sticking out of the wall above the door.

He reached it without hesitation, and opened it, the door pulling soundlessly – a surprise considering its weathered appearance – and he slipped inside.

* * *

><p>This mission was a joke. He repressed a sigh and the look of irritation as he stood and watched his client. They had already done their job; they had escorted the woman back safely, and safely escorted she was. This C-Rank mission didn't even have any sort of risk to it. No bandits had come, and the only danger they had encountered was the large, massive…<p>

Threatening, convulsing, malicious killing intent that filtered into the air and made it hard to breathe. He had done as he was told; he had gone to Yuuta, Sai annoyingly right at his heels, and then he had proceeded to wait.

For nearly three hours.

Of course, then, some blonde loudmouth leaves the forest cursing his way to high heaven, with a smaller, gentle girl trailing on his heels trying to get him to stop. The boy had cut into his head, and left a very irritating headache, so it seemed only natural to tell the kid to shut the hell up.

Of course, the result wasn't what he expected it to be.

"_Hey, moron, you're voice is giving me a headache!" He shouted, leaking killer intent and a slight amount of chakra that would have any civilian terrified. The blonde boy, merely continued his rant, and finally turned around and started to rant to the girl, however the girl must have said something wrong because he clammed up immediately. _

_He spun, and began his rant once more. "Hey, MORON!" He called out, making sure he was heard. His efforts were not wasted, because the blonde loudmouth had shut up and looked towards him. Sasuke couldn't see his face clearly, so he wasn't able to deduce an expression, but decided to continue anyway. "Mind shutting the fuck up?" _

"_Mind screwing me? You goddam fucking prick?" The boy shouted back rhetorically, shocking Sasuke. Had he not put in enough killer intent? What was with this moron? "See, Haku? This kid's a soap, a goddam, filthy soap at that." His voice wasn't directed to him, but to the girl, and then he turned once more to the two ninja. "Learn some fucking manners, you uptight fucker! In Yuuta being a ninja means jack shit!" _

The boy had been gone before the anger Sasuke had felt allowed him to comprehend the thought and wish of going after the blonde menace. Sai had said nothing during the exchange, opting to instead be the quiet, very emotionally controlled shinobi Sasuke expected he actually was instead.

Sai pissed him off, actually, because it was obvious that he was _not_ at a genin level, chuunin seemed more probable, and there was also that sketchy back story his team had been given on how Sai had been trained by his family and how the Hokage at the last moment decided to place him on the team with the rookie of the year and the kunoichi of the year.

Sai never spoke about his family, never gave a surname, never mentioned anything about a home life, training with his family – nothing. He was a blank wall plastered with a fake smile.

It was unnerving and infuriating, and the boy seemed to have developed a hero-worship or something because Sai followed him around _everywhere_. No matter what he seemed to be doing, Sasuke was right there beside him. It was so damn annoying.

It was even worse because Sakura decided to join Sai in his stalking as well. She was more vocal about it, however.

"Sasuke," the boy called to him from where Mami had placed him – washing the dishes. "Sakura will be arriving soon, would you care to greet her?" The monotone of his voice was infuriating as well – and also, his ability to apparently know where everyone he cared to know was, in exact detail. It was creepy.

He had to admit though, the jealously rang loud each time Sai did something he couldn't, because really, Sai was a nobody, and he was an Uchiha. The village had been soaked in his clan's blood and he deserved to be pain in recompense. Being trained by the best in everything there was seemed fair to him.

"Sasuke!" A new, high-pitched voice rang out, followed by a loud growl. Sakura's voice paused, before it lowered. "Sorry!" She all but whispered, her voice low and actually sincere. Sasuke, confused and incredibly curious about what or who it was that had actually managed to shut Sakura up, turned.

There was Sakura, and… a dog.

"What you look at?" It spoke.

It _spoke_.

* * *

><p>AN: Chapter length 6,500+, because I decided to outdo myself. Sorry for the lack of updates so far, but exams were a bitch, but now their done so I decided to update! Oh, and I have actually started a drawing on what Yuuta looks like; I'll scan it and give whoever cares a link when I'm done, which should be by next chapter. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Please!


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